sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
