Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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