YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
