not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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