Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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