Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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