Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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