Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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