Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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