just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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