The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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