I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
