I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
