she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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