GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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