I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
