I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize