I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
