So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
