You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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