He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
