I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
