All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
