they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
is wine microwaveable?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
