soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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