you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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