Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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