Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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