I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
