Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
