Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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