allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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