I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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