Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
