Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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