You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
