They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
