you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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