What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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