God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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