lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
