Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
