I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
