Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
