We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
