I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
