The best revenge is premature balding
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
