im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
