I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
