She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
