I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
