I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
