With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
