I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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