Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
