Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
