I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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