hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
