If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Panties = found
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
