he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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