a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
