did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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