I wish life had little blips of pornography
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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