That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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