dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
