so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
