can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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