im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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