There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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