I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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