So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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