TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
