8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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