pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
