Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
