Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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