Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
