I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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