All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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